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The most interesting thing that happened in me when I sat down with Morgan Sowards to discuss Human Design was how I came to terms with my relationship with my brother.
Brad and I always had a tenuous relationship. We had a lot of love for one another, a certain amount of respect. We had a special ease of being with each other. I loved the way his energy held me. We definitely LOVED each other's children, that was never in doubt just from the way we looked at them and interacted with them.
We did not have a friendship. There were times we called one another with issues that we felt like the other one had some insight on, which proved the respect and the knowledge of each other's strengths, but when he died a year and a half ago, I was left with an empty hole that I could not explain. I had a regret that I had not tried harder, a guilt even. But after a certain length of time of being in his presence, I always felt him push me away. I could not reconcile that. I took it personal.
Even when he was sick and in pain, we breathed together one night and he felt relief. He said he forgot anything was wrong. And yet, he didn't want to breathe with me again. He had cancer and it was just so hard to watch him and not be able to help him.
Fast forward to August or September this year, the first time Morgan and I sat down together to go deeper into why she chose to study Human Design. She started to talk about the different personality types, and the way this one had a strong repelling action, so as to not allow themself to be taken off course.
When The Generator has a path they can't be deterred from they don't control it, they just automatically send up a wall to someone who would have the capacity to take them off their personal course. It is automatic and the person doing it doesn't even always know they are doing it. That was always how that relationship was always intended to be. For real! It wasn't personal!
I am a manifesting generator so I have some of that capacity of putting up that wall when I won't be taken off course. According to HD, I am also a heretic, which just means I look at the world, think and feel, differently than others. (from bible class I remember the definition of heretic to mean liar or trouble maker, which is not accurate). I can't say exactly how, but knowing this makes acceptance of myself so much easier.
Once I had the realization that he and I both were responsible for our relationship (I always knew that, but wisdom hits deeper at times) and we both had courses we couldn't be knocked off, all my resistance of our human relationship eased. I can't tell you how soft I became in my body and how I feel when look at photos of him, how I feel now when I think of him. All that tension, all the sadness and guilt just vanished. There is a softness. I do wish I had known all this before my brother died, but I am still glad to know it now. I certainly still miss his presence, but I am at EASE knowing that even if he were, our relationship wouldn't be different. That is priceless.
So, if you would like to know more about yourself, how you function in the world, Morgan and I would like to help.
We have created a program for winter called The Descent, a renaissance of body, mind and spirit.
A bit written by Morgan Sowards
My approach to life is one of curiosity, experimentation, beauty, hope, and sharing what all I discover along the way. Human Design first crossed my path in early 2019. Since then my relationship with the system has traveled through skepticism, investigation, appreciation, and ultimately surrender.
Over the past few years I've witnessed this tool provide language, perspective, clarity, and permission to do life differently—in a way that invites more autonomy and compassion for the human experience. Human Design doesn't have all the answers, but it can offer a reflection that allows you to explore aspects of yourself that are longing to be seen.
With most embodiment practices and energy healing work, the "goal" is to form a unified bond between the mind and the body—to create more capacity and safety in the body, to ease the dominant nature of the mind, and to unlock energetic patterns that have kept us feeling stuck or lost within ourselves.
The thing is, that can be really scary for the mind and it can feel the need to amplify its perspective, fighting to maintain the hierarchy of mind over body.
By bringing in more cognitive awareness and helping us "see" the way our energy naturally wants to flow, Human Design can help ease the mind. It offers some mental support and, I believe, helps create more safety in the mind as you step into embodiment work and the integration process.
A few of the interesting aspects of my chart show me that I am built to do what I do. I have the genes or the energetic makeup to do this. The energetic lines that I have are called awakening, exploration, perfected form (which is about intuition), curiosity, synthesis, charisma, the brain wave, power (intuition again), mutation and inspiration.
I feel like we will work so well together since her focus is more on the safety of the mind, and my focus tends to be the safety to be in the body.
I am excited to see what your gifts are, to see how you can harness your natural rhythm, and how you can feel more comfortable being you!
Sign up here or just read more about it from Morgan to feel into the container we are creating
So much love