My work exists between the worlds, the liminal space between heaven and earth
Normally I create a visceral experience that helps people embody their original blueprint or higher self, or I am translating messages from the earth or the planets in order to be able to embody their wisdom to create easier lives, or live with ourselves and others better. Last week though, I got to spend the day (really I was with him 4 days) with my father as he was transitioning. It was a remarkable gift. Being in that world with my dad, knowing he felt comforted and safe there, feeling all his love for us, but giving in to the ease of going to the other side of the veil. My dad never fully understood my work and couldn't talk about it on a deep level with me, sharing in it with him, being understood by him, sharing this space with my mom and sister, there just aren't words for the beauty and wonder of it all. I remember telling him when he couldn't talk well that I could understand him telepathically, and he chuckled, but then found it remarkable when I did. That is when the fun began. My dad had been resisting death for a long time. He didn't want to leave my mom. They were married 58 years, she was his first safe space since his grandparents (who raised him his first 6 years) died, and he was hers. They lived together through my brother's death less than 18 months ago. It was tragic watching Dad suffer though. And it was tragic to see my mom not having a life outside the house since she needed to take care of him always. Sadly, it was time. When I got the call at 1:08 am central time on 10/10 that he had passed, I could feel the quality of the air was different. It was more alive. How was that possible? that my dad dying brought life? Somehow I eased back to sleep and when I woke in the morning I had that same sensation, more life in the air. When I looked out my back window I could see the light had a more alive or sparkling quality to it. I rushed into the kitchen to make coffee and go sit on the front porch where I could see the light of the sunrise even better. I can not explain the joy of living, of being in that moment. It seemed the gifts from 2 days before were even greater now. I remember saying to him "you are going to be one with everything soon, daddy" surprised by what I had said, because I had never thought about it that way, and I have experience lots of deaths of my loved ones. But that morning, he was in the light, he was in the air, he was every where. The more I breathed in, the more I could bring that life into my body. He certainly seemed to be one with everything. I will miss his presence on this earth. I will miss his hugs and his chuckle, his strength and mostly his softness. I feel his absence as physical pain in my bones, tears, exhaustion in my body. He was such a good man, a silent support most of the time. I feel very lucky that he was my dad. I feel that my son was very lucky. My dad loved our babies more than words could communicate. He was always in tears of joy whenever he saw them. I know everyone doesn't experience death of a loved one this way. That it is life giving. I feel like the fact that I had no resistance to his death helped.
Monday Meditation this week was beautiful
We started with the image of what the air felt like the night my dad died. Do you know the look and feel of light on rippled water? That is the energy that joined us in the beginning. See if you can sit, close your eyes and breathe while you imagine feeling that. Everyone told me after meditation that was sublime. We went to work in the lungs, clearing and cleansing and more than that restructuring the organ. We went deep into the cilia (the creation point for fine hairs on the insides of the lungs) to allow them to bring even more life force energy from the air we breathe into our bodies. We were reminded that forgiveness improves the health of the lungs and we were asked to forgive ourselves at a deeper level. We were reminded that this month of October, the veil between worlds is naturally thin. There is a jewish holiday that represents that, Halloween was modeled on ancient traditions that celebrated that. November 1 is the day of the dead, and that gets celebrated in Mexico (in 1992 I mistakenly ended up on the wrong bus in western Mexico where I saw all the shrines in the hills where the locals lived! ) and here in Birmingham every year for some reason. I was led to share my experience of knowing that I now had 4 men in the afterlife walking with me as I lived this life. I can call on them any time. My grandfather, who came to me every night after he died for a very long time. My brother in law, who felt like my real brother and truly accepted me for who I am. My brother and now my dad. If you know me you know my relationship with my brother was loving, but we were very different people. So, I was sad when at first he didn't come to me much after he passed. Recently though, I found Human Design and I realized that energetically we were never supposed to be intertwined, we had different life paths. With that, I lost all sadness about our lack of closeness. I realized that forgiveness wasn't even necessary on either part. Since then, my brother has been with me a lot more. So, the other night as I was reflecting on these 4 men who love me fiercely were part of me, I realized that although I had lost both grandmothers, they were not there. I wondered why. Immediately I knew we were not close. One grandmother was mean and the other very distant. They were both abusive in varying degrees to my parents and I held a grudge. So, I knew that the lack of their presence was on me. I started to tap into how hard their lives were. The time they lived in did not encourage who they were as people. They were shamed , both of them, for their humanness. They didn't have rights like I do. They didn't have opportunity like I do. They didn't have supportive families. But mostly, the time they lived in was hard with war and poverty and husbands who didn't respect them. Once I came to forgiveness of them, the wall between me and them disappeared. I remembered that my maternal grandmother before she passed gave me some really good psychic information about my then husband. As I shared this reflection /process during meditation I was encouraged then to ask them to reconcile with any of their loved ones who had passed. I was also reminded that whether or not we had good relationships with our ancestors, they carried the gifts that make us, US. They held all the beauty in our DNA that helps us connect to our higher self, heal ourself, all of our gifts came through them. Forgiveness was then easier. GRATITUDE was now filling the room. Gratitude for the time we live in, for who we all are. Even though the world we live in is far from perfect, we were grateful for it. We ended meditation working in our root chakra, our grounding center. We tapped into our uniqueness, because even though we were formed from our ancestors, we are original. We have a different life, we live in a different time on earth, and we were meant to continue to evolve and make our lives and this world a better place for those that come after us.