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  • Writer's picturesheribagwell

Delusions and the mystery

The mystery and delusions, two concepts easily confused, judged and/or feared

Have you ever lied to yourself about something to make yourself feel better? To get through the day? Have you then built your life around that delusion?

I know I did. The last 7 years of my marriage I was convinced that my husband actually loved me and was going through a hard time and that he would come back to me. Most marriages go through rough patches, right?!

I actually have a reputation for saving marriages with my work. I couldn't believe that I wouldn't be able to save my own marriage. I know what relationships are "supposed" to look like. I know that people want to feel safe, seen and heard in relationship and I know how to connect deeply. I know how to support people and how to make them feel safe, seen and heard. Yet, I had this partner who did not want to emotionally support me any more and did not want my support or connection. I kept thinking he would come around. He did not.

In 2018, on my birthday, I took off the rose colored glasses. I saw my relationship and this man for what it all was. It was at the point of no return. At his core he resented me, he did not respect me and he had moved on. So, I started making my life what I needed it to be. I quit lying to my self that this was just a bad patch. I started taking my own advice. I walked through all that darkness and I found my mystery, my light and my love for myself and my son and created exactly what we needed.

Hopefully you are not finding yourself in this position right now, but most of us have at some point in our lives convinced ourselves that our bad behavior or bad habits aren't that bad, or our relationships are healthier than they actually are. We tell ourselves we are physically healthier than we are, that we are safe in relationship, or with our work, that we aren't addicts, we fill our lives with stuff, with the wrong people, we fill our time obsessively. We tell ourselves that things are going to fix themselves automatically in the right time.

Now is the time to see where we are deluding ourselves. Now there is so much support to restructure our lives in healthier and more meaningful way. When we are willing to look at the truth, we can alchemize it. We can free ourselves from what feels like a prison.

There is an ease of being when you feel honest. I see that most people do save their marriages and create better relationships in general when they are willing to look at these things. You can create better health, we can create better work and enjoy our time when we take off the rose colored glasses and the masks and get real.

Now is the time to delve into shadow work to find our light and our magic. This can't be done in group meditation to the depth that is being asked right now.

Group work is a great place to start, but deeper curiosity, journaling, private sessions or greater awareness during your day to day interactions is recommended.

Monday's meditation was interesting and sparked a good conversation at the end, which inspired the message above.

We started working in the spleen. As I suggested last week, we would be honoring this space in the body dedicated to sourcing our life force energy and strengthening our immune system. We moved to connecting the mind, heart and the body to get our intuition clear and strong. All pretty normal for us. We have been working with the energy of clarity often lately, keeping our centers in line, connected to the earth and then we delved into some deeper things. Pluto came into our awareness. Pluto wants to hold your hand while you walk through your underworld, your own darkness. We do this to find our light. He represents our darkest dark and our lightest light. Death and rebirth. The magic, mystery and miracles. It is a good time to function with curiosity around your light and dark. If you encounter tough situations over and over, that you haven't looked to see if there is any way you are contributing to those unconsciously, that is what I am talking about. Be willing to look at our motives, what we are trying to control. (I am here to help if you need a loving and non judgmental partner) Once you have looked at and held loving compassion for your shortcomings, your inner child that feels abandoned, abused, neglected, the parts that feel angry or try to control and manipulate - those things can't control you and you have access to hidden gifts, your light and more of your own magic and mystery is available to you. We spent time with Saturn, who helps us restructure our lives, schedules, physical bodies and anything else that needs to be restructured. Saturn is my constant partner in helping you to restructure your energy body. What sparked the interesting conversation was when Neptune came in. Neptune, I talk often about the fact that he gets us in touch with our spiritual nature, he works in the sub and unconscious mind, and helps us rewire our minds by creating new neural connections. Neptune reminded us that the dark side of his energy is delusion. Meaning the lies we tell ourselves are far more visible and correctable when Neptune's is heavy in the atmosphere. He will show us where we have addiction and escapism tendencies. So, right now, watch your desire to numb yourself. Be aware if you are tempted to go into addictive behaviors from your past. Forgive the astrology context, if you are not interested in that, I don't always talk so much about it this much. Read it as just streams of energy that are available and/or supportive of things to pay attention to right now. A year or so ago, I started noticing trends in regards to the energy I spoke of that then my astrologer friends talked about. So I delved in to learn about it more in order to be prepared (control) my life. I have found, there is little astrology can prepare you for that is better than awareness, shadow work and a desire to be a truly good human. However, it is interesting to know what creates the streams of energy. I do find when we work with those streams consciously in the moment, it moves things along at a faster pace. Today is Wednesday and I am having another group class tonight. In person or online. 6:15-7:30. We have 3 or 4 spaces available in person. You can not book online as it is less than 24 hours, so if you are interesting in coming, just reply to this email or send me a text to 770-235-7599 and I will save you a space. Much love to you as you ponder the energy of moment Sheri

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